It is absolutely essential to ask for consent every step of the interaction and every time it happens.This is true even if you have interacted sexually with someone before, every new interaction is a new situation where consent needs to be given.Think about it, if someone had their apartment broken into and robbed, would you say this to them? You shouldn’t have left town, you know that’s very tempting to robbers, you were basically asking for it.” Most people would not respond in that way a victim of a robbery. These questions are meant to imply that by engaging in sexual activity or making a “poor decisions” (such as accompanying someone home alone or wearing a revealing outfit) the survivor was somehow deserving of this assault because “she was asking for it”. All of these stereotypes are completely false: anyone of any gender or sexuality can be assaulted and anyone of any gender or sexuality can be a perpetrator.So if you wouldn’t say that to someone who had their apartment robbed, why are some people so comfortable saying things like that to the survivors of sexual assault? We hear it in the media, from authority figures, from our peers and friends…eventually people don’t even notice it because it’s so embedded in our culture. Allegations like this are harmful to the survivor and completely false. Assault has nothing to do with sex or attraction, it is an act of power, violence, and control.The lack of a no does not mean yes, only a verbal yes means that consent has been given.University of Dayton Nondiscrimination Resource Center So when do you need to ask for consent?Consent needs to be given during every new sexual encounter, regardless of how many times it’s been given before.
It can be very difficult to help a friend through recovery of a sexual assault. We recommend visiting sites like learn more information.This can be horribly traumatic and degrading for a survivor of power based personal violence to endure. Victim blaming can look different for male and female victims of assault. There is nothing anyone one can do, say, or wear that would "cause" sexual assault or make them responsible for being assaulted. Due to these false and dangerous stereotypes, many men who are attacked will never report their assault.Here are some examples: A female survivor might hear: “What were you wearing? A male survivor might hear: “What are you talking about? Of course, the statements listed above are not exclusively used for men or for women.If you can’t read your partner’s mind there is no way to tell if they are consenting unless they tell you.It is easy to misread body language or mistake a lack of reaction for a “yes” when in reality an individual might be too scared, embarrassed, or shocked to vocalize their discomfort.
Think about it this way: don’t you want to make sure that whoever you’re with actually wants to be there as much as you do?