After all: most things in your dating life can be worked on and improved upon, but the cold hard truth is that some aspects are set in stone. and there are few other aspects that cause men as much dating agita as being short.
If you’re not 6 feet tall or taller, then you may as well just resign yourself to a sexless life of Napoleon jokes.
When I write dating tips and relationship advice for a new mode, I am writing to a female audience.
But neediness is not gender-specific – guys make the mistake of being “needy” too!
Of course, short is relative; what we consider “average” height varies depending on geographic locale and someone who’s 5’6″ would consider someone who’s 5’9″ (the average for American men) to be lucky.
But hey, that’s cold comfort when women are putting “six feet tall, minimum” in their dating profiles and your friends all call you “Short Round”.
The thing is, as with many other masculine insecurities, this is predominantly in our heads. Worse, I’m the shortest of all my friends who range from 5’1o” on the short side, to 6’7″ on the tall side.
You may think that you’re hiding it like the professional poker-player you could be, but in reality, that sour attitude is shining off you like an especially greasy halo.
So I want you to know that I am putting this out there to help and inspire everyone to have more dating success, to point fingers. ” and pretty much any sentence that begins with ‘why didn’t you,’ it’s like nails on a chalkboard.
I can tell you from a guy’s perspective that when a woman says things like: “Why didn’t you call? Those kinds of statements will immediately put a guy on the defensive rather than motivating him to change and he’ll probably withdraw emotionally as a result… I would say the core reason of this is that it attacks a guy’s sense of freedom and feeling of acknowledgment. Well, when a woman starts down this chain of “Why didn’t you…” it feels to a guy as if she isn’t noticing all of the other things he is doing for a relationship. It’s perfectly normal and healthy to want a relationship with all the good qualities: connection, chemistry, understanding, intimacy, attentiveness and on and on.
I can’t go into as much depth as I’d like to in this post, but men and women have different senses of how they’d like to be noticed for things (and what they’d like to be noticed for.) At the root of it, when a man feels like he make a woman happy, he will not want to be in a relationship with her (or if he stays, he will not want to deepen it). Back to neediness: When a woman starts acting needy, especially in the beginning of a relationship, it shows up as the ultimate red flag. Neediness is synonymous with ’emotional dependency’, as in: “This woman is dependent on the guy in order for her to feel good.” Now, sometimes when I start explaining this, I’ll get a comment saying, “Oh so what? You can have it all, too, but what I’m trying to explain in this article is that you don’t get it from it.
On the other hand, when a woman acknowledges him for all the things he’s doing well, he will almost certainly want to deepen the relationship and stay in it. We’re supposed to be emotional robots with no feelings or desires and just accept anything a guy is doing without complaint? You create a relationship with those qualities by inspiring those things within the relationship.
The problem with neediness is that instead of inspiring all of those positive relationship qualities, the “needy person” acts as if their partner is denying them those good relationship qualities…