When it comes to the inside of the male psyche, however, I defer to Hussey.
I interviewed him for a story about modern matchmaking — I wanted his opinion as to whether or not he thought it was a “good” way to meet someone — but ended up saving his advice on how to meet people in real life. ) It was so specific, and so why-didn’t-I-think-of-that obvious, that it warranted its own story.
“This is a profound commentary on today’s dating world living operating electronically online,” says Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist, author of “The Self-Aware Parent.” Singletons scour social media for any sign of dysfunction and they are quick to act upon the information. (And experts say this spying is unlikely to stop if they get married.) Bad spelling is a turnoff for potential dates and employers, studies show.“Some people would rather lose their sense of smell than their i Phones.It’s as important to spell-check your text as it is to straighten your tie.The problem is when those [tools] become a crutch because you ‘don’t have time to meet someone.’” As he explains, if you don’t have enough time to look for someone, how are you going to have time to date someone? I used to go to a gym that had a sign up that read, “You don’t find time to work out, you make time.” It made me mad. “I see those activities as things you’re doing anyway.You have to make time if you’re serious about fitting someone in your life. And it made sense.“If you’re using an app or matchmaker because you don’t think you’re ‘good’ at meeting people in person, what are you going to do on your first date when you actually meet that person? No one can claim he or she doesn’t have time to meet someone because everyone has two minutes [to say hi to someone] in line at a coffee shop.” When you use the cracks of time, he explains, you’re increasing your chances.
How are you going to be charismatic when you’re so afraid? Hussey does acknowledge that this is sometimes easier said than done. Hussey explains that there are things that you want to do — for example, I want to learn to rollerblade this summer and take parallel-parking lessons — but sometimes, to meet someone, you have to ask yourself what you’re willing to do.