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He says this goes way beyond taking her work home with her—which, it doesn’t really, not if she was actually writing a paper on Batman; it’s like five magazines and a newspaper—and she asks if he’s jealous. And since when do you want to be close, anyway, Chase? Bruce quickly has to skedaddle because Robin has boosted the Batmobile, but the next time we see our lovebirds, they’re together at a giant party hosted by Edward Nygma. If the same supervillain keeps interrupting all your dates, maybe you should take it as a sign. For Christ’s sake, you haven’t even had sex with her yet! I hate when movies speed through a romance like this, like it makes any kind of sense at all for Batman to just be quitting the business because he and Chase are in , only how could they be at this point? There are other scenes, of course—Chase discovers Batman’s secret identity because, hey, she recognizes those lips!

Amusingly, Bruce says that he can’t be jealous of Batman, although he totally is, and she responds with this: “I want to be close, but you won’t let me near. The last time we saw you, you told Bruce that you had just met somebody. (Because wanting to bang Batman is only problematic when a guy invites you rock climbing, apparently.) I wish I could have seen the scene where Bruce invites Chase: hey, lady, what’s up? Meanwhile, I’d like to point out that since the Bat Signal scene earlier in the movie, Chase has not attempted to do anything anywhere in the of providing insight on Two-Face leading to his capture. Bruce is just happy because he knows this mean Chase loves him for him and not for being a bad boy in black rubber.

Look, it’s fun to make the easy jab about how colorful this Gotham is—I did it approximately two minutes ago—but I really don’t think people should take it so seriously. Chase Meridian in the beginning of the movie, ostensibly because she’s an expert on multiple personalities (and thus Two-Face) but really because it’s not a superhero movie without a love interest. between a funny, confident, forward woman and a useless bimbo who clearly doesn’t think about anything but sex with Batman . But at least he isn’t this: Chris O’Donnell isn’t phenomenal here or anything, but I do enjoy him for the most part.

It’s not like Joel Schumacher turned the town into Pleasantville or something. Oh, she has a “professional” reason for calling him, but even Batman isn’t fooled by this—because it’s the most useless, pop-psych bullshit ever. although, honestly, it kind of is, and why he has to pose with his hands on his hips to tell her this is beyond me. I will admit to liking the line, “I’ll bring the wine.

It’s totally cool to have a personal preference, but honestly, there are far more serious complaints to be had about this film. For instance, the romance between Bruce Wayne and Chase Meridian is absolute bullshit. (Also, FORESHADOW.) Batman is understandably annoyed by all this, reminding her that the Bat Signal is not a beeper . Chase then moves into straight seduction mode, and seriously, I’m all for a woman knowing what she wants, but there’s a line . You bring your scarred psyche,” but this does not at all make up for— Batman: “We all wear masks, doctor.” Chase: “My life’s an open book. ” —or half the other things these two say to each other in the course of this movie. Which, sadly, is still an improvement on what happens in the movie. This movie also introduces Chris O’Donnell as Dick Grayson/Robin.

Then Two-Face ruins the fun by busting in, demanding to know Batman’s true identity, and then killing three people. and then she gets kidnapped and rescued and things are happily ever after (until the sequel)—but I think we’ve more than covered why these two truly and heartily suck as a couple.

(Two-Face also leaves before getting any answers, so his whole plan seems a little problematic, but I guess that’s how it goes when you’re completely psychotic.) So sometime later—they don’t do a great job depicting the passage of time in this movie—Bruce and Chase are chilling at her pad, and he’s telling her all about his repressed memories of his dead parents when he sees her desk covered with articles on Batman. How did we get from Bruce is jealous of Batman to Bruce, you’re not letting me in? The party ends when Two-Face busts in, and seriously, if I were Chase, I might stop going out with Bruce after this. It might actually be the most ridiculous thing about this movie, and that’s saying something.

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So here, after a weather delay, is week 12 of NFL: REAGANS AND OBAMAS.

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