Be aware that if that is all he or she can talk about then they’re probably not ready to date.”“It is not a competition between you and the departed spouse. Give them time to adjust and try not to take it personally.Make sure that you ask key questions, and be honest with each other.Annother: “If he or she is new to dating, there may be tears. However, the occasional emotional reminiscence is not an indication that the person is not ready to date.It just means they are learning to see themselves differently.I didn’t really feel ready to date until I had worked through the pain and feeling of loss.” “The best advice I have here is to ask the widowed person, “How can I be there for you?” Realize that at some points the widowed person might need space, and don’t take that personally.If the person truly is ready to begin again with someone new they will make room for you in their heart.How can I help a widow/widower get through their pain and feelings of loss?
I should have done that prior to entering the relationship. By the time a widow/widower enters the dating world, they should already be through the initial stages of grief and into the recovery phase of rebuilding their lives.
As a follow-up to our article, here are more thoughts on navigating the often tricky waters of dating someone who is beginning to date after grieving the untimely loss of their partner or spouse – from Members of our own Widow/Widowers community here on e Harmony Advice, in their own words.
As you’ll see from the passages below, everyone’s reaction to their circumstance, opinions and experiences are going to be different, so it’s important to keep in mind the specific needs of your match as you progress.
It is one thing to be supportive and allow space for the feelings and ebbs and flows of emotion which diminish over time, but I don’t think a person should be the widow/widower’s grief counselor.” Most people who’ve suffered a loss have already built a network of friends and/or family for support.
Many will choose to attend therapy or support groups for help dealing with their pain. When you are dating someone it should be about you and that person having a shared goal of creating a great relationship.
Also, if the person was terminally ill and that illness took a long time to run it’s course, the widowed person may have done a lot of grieving prior to the actual occurrence of death and might be ready to date earlier than ‘the experts’ predict.