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Personally, I never have but I think that one Filipina girl liked me a while back but I was already seeing someone and by the tme I was single again she had a boyfriend. I heard that the Japanese are very racist and I heard that Asian girls tend to stick with their own kind and if they do date outside their race. You are a girl who looks like the world," a friend once told me.Eventually, those fights tore their marriage apart.

I was ignorant that appearances could be both deceiving and alienating — that my racialization of romance kept me at arm's length from deeper intimacy. I have proof: a letter I wrote to "my future daughter" when I was 11 years old.

A white man."My parents' relationship only underscored that message.

For 18 years, I heard them argue about my father's salary, which wasn't enough to afford my mom the lifestyle she wanted.

Ultimately we weren't compatible, and our marriage ended after two years. I moved to the predominantly Dominican area of Washington Heights, where meeting my white prince seemed unlikely.

With divorce papers in the works, I flew to New York City to emulate Erica Benton, Jill Clayburgh's character in the 1978 film . The guys who lived in my neighborhood were mostly newcomers to the United States, and as a fourth-generation Californian, I just couldn't relate.

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Not trusting that white or black men would see beyond my skin color let me stay apart, aloof, even a little superior. There it is, in proper preteen cursive handwriting:"When I grow up, I'm going to marry a surfer with blond hair and brown eyes.

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