They’d been together for 10 years, married for two. James and I have our ups and our downs in what could be called “still the honeymoon phase.” And many of them, frankly, have to do with how he used to be married to someone else. There’s some immediate satisfaction of knowing, of course. I’m sorry to say it, but this one’s a real lose/lose. The recently divorced man is, with little exception, the recently traumatized man.
They’d met young, in their early 20s, and had decided, two months before James and I met, to divorce. James had been the one to request the divorce; his wife had been devastated by his decision. There’s not a week that goes by that I don’t think either A) I’m thrilled he’s got that experience under his belt, or B) Why god, did I have to fall in love with a guy with an ex-wife? But beyond that, it’s just a device with which to torture yourself. If he dumped her, you think, “What’s to stop him from dumping me? You’re destined to wonder – however briefly – how much of him is still in love with her. And if you’re the one who winds up with him, it will fall upon you to help him cope. A man with a now-defunct marriage under his belt has learned a few things about himself, about what he has to work on, about what he can and cannot handle.
There are also divorced guys who have never had kids. I find that a divorced guy, who has his own kids has a certain ease around children. He might end up really hitting it off with your kids. Is his breakup any less significant because he wasn’t legally hitched? Again, I’m not bashing the guy who has never been married. He could have always wanted to commit and just never found the right person. But the bottom line is, I shouldn’t be defining who someone is based on whether or not they have ever worn a wedding ring. Maybe divorced or never been married should be treated like a category, a checkbox, just like age group, gender, race or religion.
If you are dating someone who hasn’t been around kids much, they might not enjoy it. Or, he might fall madly in love with your kids and realize they want more. Or, maybe he committed (got engaged) and then the girl broke it off. All I’m saying is, the divorced guy proved he had the ability and the willingness to complete and utter monogamy (Then again, he could have been a huge cheater in the marriage.) Plus, maybe he never wants to commit again. The guy who never made that commitment in the first place doesn’t really get it (the commitment, I mean.) Not that that’s a bad thing. Everyone has a different story, and a reason why he ended up divorced or never married. I wish they had a checkbox for the things that really mean the most, like, “Are you going to love me unconditionally? ” and “Will you always cause my heart to beat fast when you walk into a room?
Maybe it’s choice, maybe it’s bad luck (or good luck) and maybe it shouldn’t even be factored into the relationship. ” That’s more important than his past marital status, don’t you think?
I do believe that whole routine would be more fun that than which I’ve described above. He knows to say, “I’m not sure it does your figure justice,” in lieu of, “Eww! And seeing as how teaching a man these lessons is akin to herding stray cats, this is a valuable attribute to luck into. I’ll take him, and I’ll work to be patient when his ex-wife makes her weekly call.
Here are some things to consider when dating the divorced guy versus dating a guy who has never said “I do.” 1. Then again, maybe I’m not giving the never been married guy enough credit. Just be aware that he’s never been married, so up until now, he hasn’t. He’s carrying way less baggage than the divorced guy.
Here are five mistakes to avoid when dating a divorced man.1.